NOTE: sorry if this offends anyone...its just freewriting, its unedited, except for one single thing...which will be easy to spot...sorry if it hurts your feelings. Oh, and i really am not posting this to get patronism, ptiy, or anything of the like...in fact, i would really appreaciate it if you could keep your comments to yourself...if you really must share them, message me them, dont put them here
____________________

Iim typing on the computer, partially because Im bored...really really bored...I wonder why I am even doing this...I hope I don't miss bleach...
Not a problem, ive got an hour...and am forgetting apostrophes...and I feel dumb because I cant spell apostrophe...but I am only looking at the keyboard, so its all good...well, ok its not, it never is in my life...gah...
Oh well, not a problem...
What to type...
What to type...
What to type...
I got nothing...seriously...im tapped out...
Damnitall...
Ha, bleach swears a lot...I remember wzatchin it with noffke and seth and showing them how much it swears...it is ridiculous...and perhaps im spelling more things wrong...hmmm...
Better turn off auto correct...though that would interrupt the typing...better not then.
Well, im still bored and still tapped out...
I was gonna write fugue island, but hit a wall...don't I always
That's my problem. I write myself into walls and never finish because of it...I feel like a failure...but im not...damn, my back is sweaty...its kinda hot in here, I should get a fan, but again, that would interrupt the free writing...damnitall, I need to stop spelling things wrong...
I mean, im ignoring apostrophes and capitalization, but I am compulsed to correct spelling mistakes I notice, and im not even looking at the fucking screen..opps...swore...sorry to any little kids reading this...
Wait, no little kids gonna read this, it prolly wont even be read by anyone but me...unless I post it somewhere, in which case little kids still wont read it...god some kids are dumb...but so are some adults...some are really dumb...like stand in front of a moving vehicle dumb...glancing at the screen...hey, that blue wavy underline is new...I wonder what it means...no time to check
Damn I type slow...im having to keep up with my thoughts, which is becoming more difficult, as they are coming faster...hmm...birds are cool, I wish I was one...wait...what? Birds
What the fuck do birds have to do with anything...they just flew into my head I guess...flew...bad pun...I really need to upgrade my humor...like im a robot or something and can upgrade myself...
Course, if I was asian, I probably could...
I still haven't heard from my roommate...I wonder if hes even activated his ripon email...its said he got it but hasn't opened it...I wonder if he can even speak English, of course he can, he applied to a Wisconsin private school, kinda has to speak it to be able to do that...but oh well...
Hmm...
She loves me, she loves me not...
You don't know who im tlking about, do you...not leeni...
But leeni is amazing...and wow, I just changed the subject without even thinking of **********s name...
Damnitall...
Im gonna edit that if I end up[ posting this...
Course, last time I said I was gonna edit something, I never actually did...I suppose that's another problem of mine...I don't always do what I tell myself ill do...not in a hypocritical sense, but in a remebery do-y sense...
Wow, that made no sence...
I have 15 bucks in cents...well, over 15...
I have 15 in quarters...15 that goes to Kenny when I get around to paying him back...and the rest of my money...
Prolly wii sports resort, even though I kno its not the best of decisions...I really shouldn't, but I really should at the same. Time...
Wow...my writing is starting to loose all cohesion...wait...did I just type loose or lose...
Doesn't matter, if I typed it wrong I cant change it...
Then nagain, I may if I post it seeing as I already have to take **********s name out...
Man, I don't think I still love her, but I might...I just might...but I really want to know how she feels about me...I really do...I like her, a lot, but mainly as a friend...there may have once been something more, in reality or just in my mind, but not anymore...its gone now...
Pst...shes the unnamed girl in fugue island, just like the main character, while not me, is basically all my problems rolled into person form...crapp, I gotta go pee..no time for that now...gotta keep on typing...
But my neck is starting to hurt
Shut up
Make me...
Damniitall...arguing with myself...new low...or high, depending on how you look at it...
I cant believe hugo wants to get me drunk...I know ive told him bout my liver troubles at least once...how getting drunk is basically killing or at least seriously injuring myself...j
J
J key...
Why do I keep hitting it...
I swear, all of my compulsive correcting comes from that one fucking key...
Well, that and the d key...
Jd,,,
Dj...
Hm...odd..oh well, not my problem to worry about typos while free writing I need a bathromm break bad now...I really have to go...but I cannot...I mean, no lights, no sound except for outside sounds...Ive cut myself off to do this, io cant justb stop for a tiny bladder...
Well, not tiny, just full of water...
Wait...why am I explauig this...wow...I cant even fix that ONE...
I CANT FIX A LOT OF THINGS I GUESS...I CANT FIX MY LIFe my problems or my friends problems...im just WORTHLESS HUNK OF JUNK WITH NOTHING TO DO EXCEPT COMPLAIN nd moan about how my life sucks and woow...I hit caps lock instead of a there a coulpe times, didn't i...oh well, no use noticing now, cant fix it, moving on...
Gotta pee...gotta pee...don't gotta poop, but I really gotta pee...
Ha, ryan stil;es is so kilarious...isn't he...he is the best actor in the world...wellnot the best, but damn close if you ask me...but nmobody ever does...
My god, im getting a cramp now...and becoming religious apparently...ha ha, I kid...
I kid about religion a lot, don't i...sorry peoples...
Im not against your religion, im against killing for it and pushing it on people and trying to pass it as science...
Ha, that one picture of noffke makes him look like neanderthalus because of the light...it makes it look like he has an overly promin...prominem...prominent...damnit all I cannot type tonight...which is really bad to realize after free typing for a short while...I should check my watch...but I cant stop typing but then ill never stop in time for bleach...I ralley need to go to the br...ha...ibrb,iibr means I'll be right back, im in bathroom, fyi...
That's an aim away message, if you didn't know...man I really gotta go...I should stop...but I cant...but I must...but no. I stopped tv because I needed this...I jjust needed to take some me time, get some shit on paper, hopefully clear up some problems and some writers block an maybe get some note Mterial...that's the real reason I did this, I just wanted to get something down to put up as my Saturday ntoe...tryin to do one once a week is kinda difficult, especially when you've got riters block and cant think up a rant to save my life...damn...I hayte me...oh well...im the only me I got
I wonder if anyone out there will ever love me...
Well, love isn't my main concern now, but I know some day it will be, and ill be sad that I never told ********** I love her...or loved her, maybe is a better thing to say...she is the only person who is even close to understanding me...or maybe she isn't...I don't know...
Will I find someone at ripon who understands me...you know, when I was walking around on orientation night away from the "fun" that was being had...I was really sad about saying good bye to my friends, but more sad because I feared that they didn't understand me...I mean, they know me, but they don't understand me...how could they when I don't understand me...
I pondered this same thing at noffkes grad party...and then again that night,,,and I pondered why no one showed up to my party...only three people...not even the one who I first told about the party...he had preexistiung engagements...
What does that even mean...what does that make me...chopped liver...
Because that's what I felt like...blown off by the one person who I think knows more about me than anyone else...well who the fuck needs him, huh
Im here, hes not...I did my best, I went to his party, even though I really didn't want to...I convinced myself not to be a complete ass like he was and go...hey, then I could talk to hom and finds out why he was an ass...and whats my response fucking preexisting engagements...what the hell...that was the most insulting thing ever, to be told that to my face./...
Going to his party was a really bad idea...I shouldn't have gone, I really shouldn't...I felt so bored...so alone...
I am alone...no one understands me, it hard to tell if people like me or jut what I can do, what I can offer...some people even just like the idea of me, not me myself...do you know how saddening that is...to have no one who cares for you...outside of family I mean...but even m,y mother I doubt...,but its not about her,,,she never gets that,,,,its not about her....buut its just so sad that I sometimes doubt if any of my friends are real, are truly there for me...they say they are, but when the =chips are down...they don't trust me, and if it was their life or mine, itd be theirs...that's something we'd agree on at least...I know how worthless my life is in comparison to theirs...id choose to save them, and ive told them that...band theyd choose to save them...because no body truly trusts me has my back really cares...lets face it, im gonna die before all of you anyway... and we all know it...I mean diseases limit me more than most anyone else I know...maybe two or three people I have ever met will know my pain...and I haven't met a guy who knows my pain...just three girls...two of them I really don't know well...but they know how hard constatnt surgeries are...how tough it is living with the pain, and the knowledge that you will die before everyone you know...I am sorry everyone, but ill die before you...im against suicide and have even talked someone out of it...so id never do it...but barring accidents, we all know whos first on the chooping block...me...so I guess I don't blame you guys for taking the only life vest...I wouldn't make it to shore anyway...man, I hate my life...
If there is a god, he either knew I wouldn't believe and cursed me from the start or he just doesn't like me...and if there isn't...well then fuck you universe, I ahet you...ok...im done, I cant hold it any longer, ig otta go...