Did you really think I'd read that?

Oh, no, it's not that.
It's just that I don't care.

oh plot the plot I get it(read it twice)

I have 22 words for you NOT FREAKIN BELIEVABLE ( I already and just said the other words to help your speechless vaze):3

Ok, it makes sense for the most part but near the climax it gets confusing and I don't know what to make of it. The Lawrence guy I don't understand the death logic with him. He dies, but he's a ghost, then he somehow comes back to life, only to sacrifice himself for everyone, only to then come back alive somehow which all I read at the end was that he is no longer a ghost, whatever that means. Wait does that mean that his soul is put to rest or some crap like that? I don't know ghostology that well, I find it kind of cheesy even in fiction. The problem with someone dying more than once is this: it devalues life in that universe. It turns into like Dragonball Z. It's like no big deal if he dies because he'll come back like Mario in the vid games. It also devalues the sacrifice because he's got lives to spare. I may have interpreted it wrong from what you meant but that's what I got from this plot outline.
Speaking of confusion, I'm not done. Baccus comes off as an unbelievable character. I know you based him on your older brother but I'll get to that subject later in the post. I just want to talk about his changing loyalties for now. Look at this last paragraph: "Lawrence is able to convince Baccus that what he is doing is wrong." (Ok so he's back on the good guys side)

But wait ---> "They go up against the father, who gets Baccus back onto his side"
(Ok, so he's a bad guy again)

And then you hit me with this-->"Big Brother then runs off, with the girl trailing. She finds out that he knows the plans and can blow the thing up" (Still bad, but look at this next part)
"Baccus tries to shut down the device"
What?! I thought he was running to blow it up. Did he have a change of heart while running to it? I understand you probably just didnt catch this loophole but regardless this switching loyaties thing makes him unstable and illogical. Sure maybe that's his character but geez he changes sides like 4 times in one night. That's way too much. It makes me not care about him. I'd rather see him get blown up. Characters can be illogical but at least give them some kind of pattern. Switching willy nilly is just confusing for everyone.

And the film crew thing? Where did that come from? Blowing up planets is like super evil. Darth Vaderesque. And Malcolm resorts to a film crew? Is it supposed to be a comedy? It doesn't make sense. That's not who you want to stop a planets from being blown up. At least get like some tough guys with practical weapons. What even happened to the film crew? They seem out of place. Where are they when the boys escape? Did he leave them for dead? Yeesh.

I have more...

About your characters. I see you're basing Malcolm and Lawrence on yourself and the others on real life people. That's okay, but now Im going to give you a little advice on that. Everyone bases characters on themselves in my writing workshops at FSU. I've done it too. It's not a bad thing to do. But it can limit you from fully seeing your story. You're basing this guy on your own experience and some things in your head don't fully get seen on the page. You want to be able to connect with your characters and have something in common with all of them but you should also want to be able to separate yourself from them so that you can step back and look at the whole thing objectively. You'll also be more willingly to let bad things happen to them. Bad things=Conflict=Story. So change things about them to make them not you. Whether that's hair color, physical appearance, personality traits, gender, where they live. You're doing that a little bit with the planets thing. But make them different than you. The same goes for Baccus as well. Does he look like your older brother? He shouldn't. It's a conflict of interest.

The character thing is probably one of the biggest things you'll struggle with as a writer. We want believable unique characters. Someone not like us at all, but someone we want to be. It's a fine line to walk.

Also the Lawrence Brentwood, Little Brother thing is not going to work I'll tell ya right now. You can keep the little brother name thing but matching the intials is obvious and it's just way too convienient for them. Especially all three of them. There are no coinicidences in fiction. Remember that. It all has a purpose, every word, every line. Which brings me to the other thing I wanted to discuss with you.

Filler. That's a dirty word. When I hear filler I think about those Full House episodes (or most sitcoms that have been on a while) where they all sit around the couch the whole time talking about their favorite highlights of the show. That's a filler episode. It's no fun because it lacks significance. The same goes with literature. You can't have any filler in it. When you acknowledge a part of your short story or novel or prelude as "filler" you're treating that part like it doesn't matter that much as the rest of the story. Readers hate that. I know I do. Why should I keep on reading? I dont want filler. Filler is crap. So get that word erased from your immediate vocabulary. In fiction, every single part, every word should matter. Always ask, does this advance the plot? Does this develop character? It has to answer yes to one of these. When I say develop character, I dont mean to tell us about them like you did in your post, not the info one but whatever part you labeled as filler. You can only develop character through significant action that pertains to the plot. This seems hard to do. It is. That's why not everyone can write. You have to do a million things at once without overwhelming the reader. It's insane when you think about it, but that's what your going to deal with on a daily basis. So no more filler, please.

And dialogue is a bitch. It's hard to do, I know. It needs to be realistic but at the same time it needs to be significant to the story. You cant have information conversations. If it doesn't move the plot forward or develop character it doesn't belong. Plain and simple. To learn how to write dialogue, I suggest listening to conversations that people have. Go to a coffee shop, sit within earshot of some people, and just write down the snippets of dialogue you hear from them. Don't just listen to the words. Notice the diction, the flow of the sentences, the little quirks that people have when talking. When you write dialogue, say it out loud to make sure it doesn't sound weird. Keep a notebook if you dont already do. Write down everything. Just write. It's good youre already writing down ideas in posts and stuff. Whew! Writing 101 is now over. I know this is incredibly long but hopefully some of it was helpful and I want people to succeed in writing since it's my major and all. Oh well. By the way I wrote a response on my page about some stuff you said. I didnt know if you checked it. Whatever. I'm probably going to lay off critiquing for a bit. I think I've covered everything except passive and active characters which is huge, but I'm gonna let you research that yourself. College is catching up with me and I got graded critiquing to do so, thanks for the practice once again. Good luck with the story and keep on writing. -Greg

I'm quite sorry about my previous comments.
I was in a bad mood, couldn't sleep, and relished every piece of human communication I could find. Still, that's no excuse. Sorry once again. :)